When Ergo Program saw itself
it burst into a million fiery
which then imploded
in a magma of plurality
This new dimension, soul-like
Ergo Program is a thinking clock
that counts from the dawn of both directions.
When the counting meets at the midpoint
Ergo Program's term will expire.
Ergo Program built a church with wings
an automobile with no wheels
a egg-timer that peeled trees
Ergo Program perfected a mechanical circus, which,
it turned out, could effectively, if not efficiently,
run a bureaucracy.
Ergo Program made many mistakes along the way:
the decimation of several species;
atomization of half the planet;
the sky permanently red, and sunsets blue;
the creation of various intruments of destruction
which Ergo Program ended up trying out on itself.
Ergo Program created an abstract language
with an alphabet that existed only in light.
This made for incredible sunsets,
and incredibly dull conversation at night.
Ergo Program created animals that knew they were animals.
These creatures thrived long beyond
Ergo Program's finite term.
Ergo Program appointed itself king
pope, president, tribal leader,
bishop, prime minister, high potentate,
pharoah, brigadier-general, grand wizard,
principal stockholder, CEO, arch deacon,
headmaster, executive secretary, supreme
judge, emperor, world leader, and god.
It still couldn't get anyone to make it
a good cup of coffee.
When Ergo Program started thinking about its posterity
it decided to create History to clean its feet.
Ergo Program grew weary of being all alone.
So, it created a new being to keep it company.
This being was called Havok.
Havok adored Ergo Program, largely because
EP was the only other higher being within a day's walk.
Ergo Program assigned Havok tasks to complete.
When Havok completed the tasks, EP would give it
a pile of rocks, which Havok loved to chew on.
Some tasks were: raisong awesomely high walls,
digging awesomely deep holes,
& building awesomely complex contraptions
that buzzeed, whirred, creaked, shook, spewed
noxious smoke, & pressed decorative coins.
Ergo Program derived great satisfaction
from assigning these tasks,
and Havok derived great pleasure from completing them.
It seems that the basis of mythology had been established.
Ergo Program decided to start Religion
because it was feeling spiritually bankrupt of late.
It called the relgion Graa, for lack of a better term.
Graa entailed deep bouts of meditation,
followed by violent fits of spiritual possession,
then joyous dancing and shaking,
declarations of jihad,
proper arrangement of household artifacts every 3rd Tuesday,
baptism in fire,
Needless to say, Graa did not last long.
Ergo Program thereby anulled it,
and was happy to find something good
on cable tv.
Ergo Program realized it was essentially
alone in the universe
(besides Havok, who didn't care one way or the other
what its state in the universe was,
and was happy to eat rocks all day).
This epiphany led Ergo Program
to the realization of the poignancy
of its existence.
EP also realized that its imminent expiration
is what brought meaning to existence.
Ergo Program spoke with an elephant.
The elephant told Ergo Program of its
travails & sufferings involved in finding
a little food, and how it lived in constant
fear of stepping on mice.
It didn't like the squishy feel mice made
between its toes.
Ergo Program sympathized with the beast,
and made a giant swatting device,
which could both mash mice
and knock fruit from the trees
with great ease.
The elephant took one look at the device
and cried out, Ridiculous!
You expect me to use that thing?!
You can't change our nature,
even if you did make us!
And with that, the elephant stomped
off into the forest.
Ergo Program was thinking about its origins.
It was fairly certain that it had created itself.
It came to this conclusion through the logic processes
that it (it thinks) programmed into itself, viz.,
1) It knew of no, nor could prove the existence of any, god, celestial being or omnipotent sentience which could have created it;
2) There was no scientific rationale that could account for the spontanteous creation of a being so highly developed as Ergo Program was, barring the most absurdly infinitessimal speck of a fraction of the most insignificant percentage, lingering somewhere between 0 and 1 over googelplex;
3) There was no evidence that another Ergo Program had existed before the current one that could have created it, nor was there any evidence of any other current specie that had the intellectual capacity to do so.
4) There was no evidence of any lifeforms previous to the existence of Ergo Program.
So, EP concluded that it had created itself,
a logical conclusion through process of elimination.
Still, Ergo Program had a gnawing feeling about this.
One day, Ergo Program took Havok to the zoo.
They fed the animals peanuts, though the signs said not to.
Somehow, EP felt akin with the captive beasts,
especially the fruit bat, which hung upside-down
and screeched when the zookeeper opened the cage
to put in fresh fruit.
So EP resolved to set the animals free that night.
It snuck over the gate and opened all of the cages.
The animals stampeded in all directions,
and eventually were variously hit by cars,
caught in drainage systems, fatally wounded
by wreckage and industrial refuse, drowned,
taken in as pets, and caught for medical experimentation.
All in all, Ergo Program still felt better.
Ergo Program pondered the nuisance of naming things.
This, it supposed, meant that it was taking on
some kind of god-like position and responsibility,
which it really didn't want.
It decided to assign this activity to Havok.
EP took a full day to walk Havok around the world
and point out all of the various delightful
& terrifying things that had to be named.
EP woke up the next morning to find
the world completely empty, all white.
Havok had eaten everything.
Either way, the troublesome problem was solved.
Ergo Program wanted to get into modern music.
It listened to the complete ouevre of Frank Zappa,
and is still totally freaked out.
It was the "Help, I'm a rock" line.
Deep in reverie one afternoon
Ergo Program thought,
The ragged angels
have left me behind
of what may yet be.
Ergo Program wasn't sure what this meant,
but it seemed important,
and Ergo Program felt wistful.
The clouds caught Ergo Program's attention one day.
It didn't remember creating them,
and It was in awe of their grace & amorphousness.
If I could be like those clouds, It thought,
I think I would be the happiest being in the world.
As it stands, I have created all I see around me,
the sun-speckled mountains, refreshing lakes,
awesome oceans, the heavenly firmament,
even the graceful clouds,
though I don't remember doing so.
In a sense, all of this is mine,
yet I am not happy.
I don't know why I am here,
nor what I am supposed to do,
nor if what I have done is good.
I am like a god without a people.
And with that, Ergo program returned
to Its gazing at the clouds.
To distract Itself from heavy thoughts,
Ergo Program created a jester to entertain It.
The jester could perform every conceivable trick
& feat of physical dexterity, and told riddles, to boot.
One evening, after the feast, the jester told this riddle:
"What cannot find its home in its home;
what cannot find a name in its name;
what cannot feel the joy in its joy,
nor see the grace in its grace?"
Ergo Program was sitting in a diner
All I need is a miracle
was playing on the stereo.
I've got plenty of those, thought EP.
EP ordered the baby back ribs, black-
eyed peas & sweet potatos, lit a smoke,
and settled in for a good meal.
EP went to use the lavatory,
and was intrigued by the dispensing
machines above the urinal.
"With pride, manufactured,
electronically tested, and packaged
in the U.S.A.."
"Double spiral," "assorted novelties," "ribbed in colors."
The great diversity of the Universe, thought EP
as It poured some of the neon pink
handsoap from the styrofoam cup.
Ergo Program thought, Sometimes I get the feeling
I'm the subject of some cosmic narrative
which I don't have the benefit of reading.
EP smirked, assumed an angst-ridden pose,
and cried unto the heavens,
O Father, why hast thou forsaken me?!
There was a moment of silence, a rumble,
and then the faint reply:
"O Father, why hast thou forsaken me?!"
In order to humor itself, Ergo Program
started writing an extended episodic poem
entitled Voila System, which detailed the life
and major revelations of a polymorphous,
semi-omnipotent being called Voila System.
At a particular point in the poem,
Ergo Program threw a grapefruit
at the manuscript, as Viola System
was questioning its existence,
and this is the only thing Ergo Program
could think to do.
Writing the poem did ease EP's anxieties a bit.